My child, don’t underestimate the value of the discipline and training of the Lord God…We should all welcome God’s discipline as the validation of authentic sonship…Now all discipline seems to be more pain than pleasure at the time, yet later it will produce a transformation of character, bringing a harvest of righteousness and peace to those who yield to it. Hebrews 12:5,8,11: TPT)
When hearing from the Lord in June 2016 that Krakow, Poland would be the place we would call home then Josiah saying it would be 2-2.5 years before we probably moved there was…frustrating, seemed like forever away, and I just didn’t see why we had to wait so long. However, as I write this I am so thankful for this almost 2-year “preparation” phase. God has really begun to prune my heart and honestly, it has been so hard and a messy process. The last 3-4 months have been pretty intense. Josiah and I completed a cultural assessment in January separately and I scored lower than average on flexibility, task confidence and leading. I knew I had always been a pretty intense list person and wanting things organized, but I felt this was a gift and was just who I was and who I had to be. However, as I began praying the Lord showed me where it was rooted- not just a generational trait like I thought, but was from the root of perfection which stems from shame. Whew.
This was fun to hear; I then came across The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown and wow, that hurt. It is such a great book and I highly recommend it, but be ready to put on your big boy pants and hear things from the Lord that go down deep; I didn’t like being corrected (remember that perfectionism). So for God to reveal things to me about myself that needed to change was hard; especially things that I feel have been engrained in me and are part of me and who I am. So it was a process and still is a process, but I am learning how to operate in my gift of organization by God’s guidance instead of me just doing what I think He called me to while being stressed, frustrated and a little overboard sometimes (or a lot of time). However through this process, I have come across several verses like the ones above in Hebrews and the Lord has been so gentle in helping me understand that He is pruning my character and gifts so I can better serve Him and serve others in the days to come while living in the fruits of the Spirit, even now.
I still don’t like the process of hearing things that need to be corrected about myself and areas I need to improve in, but I press forward and dig into it because I know and have seen God’s faithfulness in transforming who I am and it is so so good. And I might add, Josiah really likes not having such a demanding and time-managed wife. I am so thankful to be called a daughter of God and that He chooses and desires for me to become more like Him; it’s just up to me to decide to take a step into trusting Him through the process, allowing change, and being uncomfortable.